Grace to Trust Him More: Five Minute Friday & 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes Day 9


“Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus . . .” The words of the hymn struck me as though I was hearing them for the first time as I stood there in church. I was in my last trimester of pregnancy and things were so overwhelming. It had been a long and difficult pregnancy from spotting and severe nausea in the first trimester to extreme back pain and fatigue in the second and third.

“How would you feel about using that hymn for our son’s dedication?” I asked my husband in the car on the way home. I know it seemed silly, since our son wasn’t even born yet. He said it sounded good to him.

Two months later, I lay in a darkened labor and delivery room at four in the morning after a difficult 19 hour ordeal. We weren’t being moved to our room yet because of some clots and my passing out a few times. The baby had been taken to the nursery and I was encouraged to rest, having been awake for more than 24 hours at this point. My husband dozed on the recliner next to me but I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I felt like my throat was closing up. Every time I dozed off for a second I dreamed I was in labor again. Finally I began to hum to myself. Not sure where the tune came from, even that small amount of noise was painful on my throat, sore and raw from the moaning and then screaming through the natural delivery I hadn’t exactly planned on. But I didn’t know what else to do.

I was so tired I don’t know if I actually formed words and tried to sing, but the words swept through my mind even as the cracked and sour notes came.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

In that moment I was too tired to argue, or even to worry. There was much uncertainty and fear but in that moment I did the only thing I knew to do, I reminded myself of the truth. It wasn’t some grand moment of great faith. Just the tiny bit of strength I had left clinging to my Rock and trying to believe that things would get better.

It’s hard to believe that it was only a bit longer than three weeks since that early morning. Not much has gone the way I expected. School work has been slow, my children have fought what feels like constantly. I have fallen painfully behind on the blog series I planned, simple as it was. My house has experienced the constant coming and going of workmen as the bathroom renovation we started before the baby arrived has run overtime and over budget. I’ve had plenty of moments of discouragement and even despair.

But today I’m choosing to remind myself of those same words on truth.

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.


Calling: 31 Days of 5 Minute Free Writes as a Family of Five

I hear their voices early in the morning. Sometimes I’m in the bathroom. Other times I made it to the kitchen table. Mostly I’m still in bed. Sometimes it’s the sweet request to come and cuddle, others it begins with shrieks and whines and I want to pull the covers back over my head.  But I have no choice but to start the day. I drag myself into a sitting position and wait for my ligaments and joints to settle before I try to put weight on my legs. These final weeks of pregnancy have not been kind. We are soon to be a family of five.

Sometimes the pain feels like too much and I wonder if I can really do this. But I know that somehow I will muddle my way through as I have two times before. That eventually the memory of the pain will fade, my body will heal and someday I’ll have energy again. That the sound of their voices will change and soon they won’t be knocking on my door, but getting themselves up and ready to start the day. I look forward to that day, yet I know when I comes some small part of me will grieve the end of the early morning call.

I wrote this particular post before the recent birth of our third child, but I loved the picture of my daughter with him, so I used to anyway. 


31 Days of 5 Minute Free Writes as a Family of Five


It was an interesting experience last year, trying the 31 days challenge for the first time, and joining the sub-community of 5 Minutes Free Writes. Without that I don’t know if I would have had the guts to try it. This year I am due to deliver our third child just before the challenge starts.  (Update: He actually arrived a bit early, giving me a week or two to recover). But I think I will try it anyway. Some of my posts will be pre-written, so you may find yourself reading the words of a late term or post due mama or the exhausted mom of a newborn, depending on the day or week.

Last year I decided to focus my challenge on taking pictures of my kids each day and reflecting on life with them. This year I will be musing on our transition to being a family of five. There will no doubt be some pictures, but I can’t promise new one’s every day. As last year brought me through some interesting experiences including the decline and death of my grandmother just before the 31 days and her funeral during the challenge, I know this year will present its own terms that may both inspire of stifle my creativity. I look forward to seeing what happens and I hope you will read (and perhaps write) along with me.


Day 1: Calling

Day 9: Trust – Grace to Trust Him More