Frustration Friday: Five Minute Friday

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Photo Credit: Kevin Baird Flickr via Compfight cc

 

Before I was a parent and I was full time in the workforce, I lived for Fridays. There was a wonderful energy and an extra surge of efficiency that came with Fridays, especially on a wonderful spring day when the weather was good. I would fly through the afternoon and the world always seemed to look brighter. Then I became a parent. Fridays now seem to be the final gasp, bare minimum, “dear God, isn’t this week over yet?” kind of days. The time when I reevaluate my life and am always seemed to be found wanting.

I aspire to contentment. Because being happy with where I’m at, contrary to what our culture may portray, is not the same as apathy. But sometimes I’m not happy with where I am. Because I don’t feel like I am enough for what I am facing.

I don’t feel like I’m strong enough to be the wife my husband needs. I’m definitely not patience enough to be the mother my spirited children need, especially my 5 year old son. (Also known as Calvin or the Tasmanian Devil. We often say that Robin, like bagpipes is best enjoyed outside). As a home school mom I often feel as though I am ill equipped to educate a self declared hated of learning and a gifted child who is rarely still. This doesn’t even begin to touch my goals as a writer and my other ministry work.

I feel as though I have to be more, to do to even have a chance of succeeding. No one wants to fail as a parent. (Not that I’m even sure what failure looks like aside from my child growing up to hate me or becoming a criminal of some kind). Yet I’m constantly reading books and articles, and attempting to improve myself. The same goes for my marriage. I’m always afraid that simple satisfaction will lead to stagnation in a relationship that is ever changing. I can’t just be a wife, I have to be the best wife I can possibly be (while also of course being the best parent, writer, teacher, etc).

I tell myself that I am enough, that God fills the gaps where I am deficient. But those are encouragements for a Sunday morning, when the world feels new and I tackle my week with ambition and purpose. Right now it’s Friday, and all I can see are dirty floors, cranky kids and an unshowered mama who isn’t sure what’s for dinner.

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3 thoughts on “Frustration Friday: Five Minute Friday

  1. Bethany, I know that feeling. It ‘s pages are fading now that my children and two of my grandchildren are adults. But, I still recall the feeling of inadequacy. I’ve felt what you feel and I’ve found that only in Christ are we adequate. You see he feels the voids that we leave. Trust him. You may not be picture perfect but you are the perfect wife and mother that God can use in your home. Hang in there in confidence and embrace the fleeting moments. One day you will look back with faded memories.

    1. It’s true, it really does fade. My first child didn’t sleep for more than a couple hours at a time for a whole year. I vaguely remember how tired I was and I honestly don’t know how I survived. I remember what happened and how I felt, but the edges have been softened by the years. I just hope that when I’m where you are, I’ll look back and be pleased with the result.

  2. oh man, you just wrote the story of my life! Have a 10 yr old rambunctious boy that I homeschool…yeah, it’s Friday!! Hope you are able to recharge this weekend! Thankfully, we are enough for our family–unshowered mess and all! 🙂

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