Monthly Archives: March 2015

Remember Kids Are People Too, Just Smaller Ones: Mindset for Moms

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Photo Credit: MJI Photos (Mary J. I.) via Compfight cc

This is such hard balance to strike for me. I agree that children are people too, and should be treated as such. But they also need guidance. I appreciate that Jamie highlights the importance and responsibility of parental authority. Discipline is often a struggle at our house. My children are what some term strong willed, hard to handle or another other number of terms. This means they are high energy, loud, adventurous. They are not compliant by nature. Trying to assign responsibilities is often more work than doing it myself. I find myself caught between not wanting to ruin or burden their childhood with chores and responsibilities and feeling the heavy weight of responsibility to prepare them for the future. Plus, chores equal fights at our house. I recognize that at three and almost six they need to be contributing to the running of our household. Is this cruel? I don’t think so. As Jamie points out in this chapter, children are people too. That means learning to take responsibility for some of their own needs and contributing to the household and society.

But how do I motive them without bruising their tiny spirits? I also recognize that as little humans they have the same sinful nature as the rest of us, and they are immature so they haven’t yet learned to control it. They would rather play than work, follow their own wills rather than acquiesce to someone else’s. This is natural, but it isn’t how we are meant to stay. As a parent, it is my job and guide and help them.

I’ve learned that there is no one right way or magic method of parenting. Family dynamic and the personality of each child plays a role in how successful a particular course of action may be. Which means a lot of trial and error. But if love remains the ultimate source of our actions, an equilibrium will eventually be found. I love my children too much to let them arrive in adulthood without any idea how to care for themselves and serve others in their lives and families. I love them too much to significantly set them back in life by babying them until the day they leave my house, totally unprepared to face the world.

Sometimes that love looks like chores, bedtimes and even consequences and punishments. The easier road for me, is to do things myself, ignore the constant challenges to my authority and allow them to do as they wish. There are days when my own resolve is weak and it seems simpler to give in and avoid the constant conflict. But I know that this is not for their best, nor mine. So we pick our battles, give them age appropriate choices and freedoms coupled with corresponding responsibilities. Honoring who they are while trying to help guide them into becoming who they are supposed to be.

 

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Mindset for Moms From Mundane to Marvelous Thinking in Just 30 days

How Do You Want to Change? Mindset for Moms

Talk Less: Mindset for Moms

Remember the Promise of the Seasons: Mindset for Moms

Want What You Have: Mindset for Moms

Fake It: Mindset For Moms

What Are You Expecting?: Mindset For Moms

Don’t Expect Kindness From Your Kids: Mindset for Moms

Learn to Think Like Your Child: Mindset For Moms

Move! Mindset for Moms

It’s OK to be Down: Mindset for Moms

Get a Grasp on Gratitude: Mindset For Moms

Find the Emotional Rest You Need: Mindset for Moms

What Are You Putting In Your Mind? : Mindset for Moms

Write it Down: Mindset for Moms

Let It Go: Mindset for Moms

Do Only 6 Things Today: Mindset for Moms

Discover Your Mission

Tell Your Kids What You Want

Request a Do-Over

Move Away From Competition & Comparison

Give Your Time, Give Your Money, Give Your Stuff: Mindset for Moms

No Replays

Survive as an Introverted Mom

Surround Yourself by Great Thoughts from Great Minds

Conquer the Myth of Not Enough Time

Categories: Mindset for Moms, Parenting, Stay at Home Mothering | Tags: , , | 4 Comments

Accepting the Season

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Photo Credit: “Matthew” via Compfight cc

After the last year of feeling like I was finally getting a handle on life again, my husband and I decided to have another baby. When we made that decision, I knew I’d be giving up a lot of what I had done to build a life for myself, in addition to my primary role as mom and wife. I’d worked hard to build my blog, even building a small affiliate income that had become a semi-necessary stop-gap against unexpected expenses in a stretched tight budget. I was finally finding a rhythm in homeschooling my daughter and we had even joined a homeschool co-op. When we found out we were pregnant, I was ecstatic and then the morning sickness hit.

Strike that, it came like a tsunami and tore up my life and expectations. This is my fourth pregnancy and I thought I knew what to expect. Yes, I’d be tired. I would need to make sure I got plenty of rest. Eat every few hours to avoid nausea, balance my proteins and carbs to help prevent another round of gestational diabetes. But that wasn’t what happened. After spotting, bleeding and an emergency ultrasound, baby was Ok, but I most definitely was not. I squeaked through my last week or two of free -lancing for my old job, including two very long days putting our biggest event of the year together and then I collapsed, both physically and emotionally. I was so sick I could barely eat. I rarely showered or got out of my pajamas. My kids made due with cold cereal, PBJ and fruit. I lived on goldfish crackers and after a while, not even those. After two weeks, and a positive ultrasound, I decided I needed help, so my doctor prescribed medication. I felt defeated, but I was desperate. At least now I could eat, though I was still living primarily on Ensure and pretzels, but at least I was eating a regular meal or two each day.

All my grand goals of a fit pregnancy where I would be active, eat healthy and continue to move along at my usual rate, was gone. Right now I just want to survive the first trimester and hope for an easing of symptoms in the second. I want to get back onto a more diabetes friendly diet (all the sugar in those Ensures makes me cringe every time) but I also know that EATING period is my priority right now. I’ll have to deal with the rest later.

It’s been very hard to set aside ongoing projects. My blog has been quiet with me not even having enough energy to type most of the time. My thoughts come in hazy bursts between exhaustion and nausea.

But this is the season I’m in. It won’t last forever. Lamenting it and blaming myself doesn’t make it any easier to cope. I have no control over how my body is handling the rush of hormones this time around (or the fact that I was in maternity clothes at 10 weeks because none of my normal pants would close). This is just where I’m at and I need to accept it. It does not make me weak or a failure. Accepting that has actually made all of this easier. Yes, the guilt is still there. When my overworked husband comes home exhausted and then makes dinner, cleans up the house and puts in the kids to bed. When my kids watch more TV in a week than they usually do in a month. But I just keep telling myself, this will pass.

Categories: Parenting, SAHM, Self-Care | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

Conquer the Myth of Not Enough Time: Mindset for Moms

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Photo Credit: Mario Gil Gómez via Compfight cc

Yes, this is true.  We all have 24 hours in a day. I really struggled with this chapter. Because while I know I only have a certain number of hours a day, the same as everyone else, it doesn’t feel like. Because time and uninterrupted time are different things. Because doing 15 different tasks a day and finishing none of them doesn’t have the same satisfaction as one or two completed items. She doesn’t even begin to address urgency vs. importance in this chapter.

Jamie says that what gets done shows us our true priorities. If I look at my life that way, it makes me sad. Because playing with my children is rarely high on the list. I don’t mind reading (at least until I’m forced to read the same Thomas the Tank engine book too many times). But it’s hard for me to feel drawn into screaming play. It’s so loud and my head wants to explode. I remember in the summer making a real point to enjoy my kids at the park. It was great. But it’s winter now. Our little house feels like it gets smaller by the day. What gets done is meals, some laundry and occasionally dishes. Do these things really matter to me? NO! We could eat twice a week and pay someone else to do the laundry. But we can’t afford to. So instead these things that don’t really matter but must be done take over. The urgent outweighs the important.

There is also a significant different in the usefulness of my hours. I may have 24 hours a day, but I also require sleep. (How I wish I didn’t). Sometimes I require more sleep than usual. So I must sacrifice those hours or opt to sleep less and have fewer useful hours. You know what I mean. When you stay up that last extra hour but you are so tired you can’t focus and end up puttering on the internet or a ten minute task takes and hour because of fatigue. This is the law of diminishing returns. Sometimes it’s better to let it go. This is especially hard when I feel like I’m sacrificing me time. The time after my kids are in bed is the small amount of time I have for myself. Sometimes I blog or do other work. I prefer to relax and knit or crochet. Sometimes I do house work. But if I stay up too late, no matter how fun the activity, I usually pay for it in bad mood or inefficiency the next day.

This is one of those chapters where I don’t have any answers. Jamie says we should live more in the present moment instead of being constantly distracted, which I agree with. This will help us engage more fully in the one thing we are doing. But those of us with multiple kids who homeschool, work from home, etc. Sometimes doing one thing isn’t our choice. I sit down to do school with my daughter and my son wets his pants. Or I finally get a quiet moment to put down a few thoughts toward a blog posts and my kids begin fighting. The phone rings. And important work or ministry email needs an immediate response. It can be so difficult to maintain presence and focus on one thing. I guess what I need to work on is to be better about returning to the moment after the distraction has subsided.

For me, more interruption leads to less productivity. Hence why as a mom, I can work all day and still feel like I’ve accomplished nothing. (This is not specific to moms though. My husband says he feels like this at work some days too).

So no, I don’t have the magic solution to how to get it all done or even tips on how to make it better. Just make room to laugh and love no matter what you are doing. In the end, that’s probably all any of us can hope for.

 

Web

Mindset for Moms From Mundane to Marvelous Thinking in Just 30 days

How Do You Want to Change? Mindset for Moms

Talk Less: Mindset for Moms

Remember the Promise of the Seasons: Mindset for Moms

Want What You Have: Mindset for Moms

Fake It: Mindset For Moms

What Are You Expecting?: Mindset For Moms

Don’t Expect Kindness From Your Kids: Mindset for Moms

Learn to Think Like Your Child: Mindset For Moms

Move! Mindset for Moms

It’s OK to be Down: Mindset for Moms

Get a Grasp on Gratitude: Mindset For Moms

Find the Emotional Rest You Need: Mindset for Moms

What Are You Putting In Your Mind? : Mindset for Moms

Write it Down: Mindset for Moms

Let It Go: Mindset for Moms

Do Only 6 Things Today: Mindset for Moms

Discover Your Mission

Tell Your Kids What You Want

Request a Do-Over

Move Away From Competition & Comparison

Give Your Time, Give Your Money, Give Your Stuff: Mindset for Moms

No Replays

Survive as an Introverted Mom

Surround Yourself by Great Thoughts from Great Minds

Categories: Mindset for Moms, Stay at Home Mothering | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

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