Negative replays are the stuff parenting is often made of. OK, it probably shouldn’t be, but for me it usually is. I constantly second guess my decisions as a mom. When I reverse a decision because I realized I may have been wrong. When I hold fast later wondering if bending would have been better. Today’s tantrum becomes tomorrow’s teenage rebellion and poor (possibly criminal) decision making. I’m sure you can see where this is going.
We have bad days, our kids do too. But that doesn’t mean it’s always going to be this way. I really needed to read this chapter. Because we want to grow our family but I find myself constantly wondering how I will handle it. I struggle to get through the hardest days and I’m not even pregnant yet! How will I handle another child when some days just these two bring me to my knees?
Sometimes replays can be a good thing, but only if it’s for positive change. How could I have handled that better? What changes might we need to make in the future? But for me, that’s rarely the case. Only much later, after the fact can I analyze. But during those post-meltdown moments nothing good comes from replaying the scene over the over. The emotional gore is too much.
Maybe on my knees is not just a good thing, but the best thing for me. On my knees before the Father, asking for strength. This is how I have been called to parent. Not in my own might, but in weakness that highlights His greatness.