I feel like I’ve been away for a while. Emotionally I’m in a strange in between place. When you lose someone, it feels like life should stand still, except it doesn’t. Life goes on which feels both fitting and yet cruel. We’ve been physically away from home a lot as well. A trip to Boston to bury my grandmother followed by a full week including homeschool co-op, MOPS, our writers group and my 5K race at the end of the week.
But I still don’t feel quite like myself. Things have changed yet they haven’t. When someone passes away it feels like you should do something. Not just a ritual or a service but be different somehow. I think about the things my grandmother loved; art, reading, music. Is there more room in my life for these things? How can I better explore these with my children in her honor? Years ago she gave me a book. Marry Your Muse. I never finished it. Perhaps the time has come to pull it out and read it again. She saw something in it that she thought I’d benefit from; that it would help me access the creative side of myself.