Why do I never feel like I fit? Why do I want to? Stability and balance seem to slip through my fingers the harder I grasp. To do all the things I must and still do the things I love. Some of them overlap, but not all.
I find myself caught between my desire to see measureable progress and wanting to see time stand still and savor the sweet moments. I live in a world that measures success based on dollar signs and social media reach. My biggest influence is over two tiny minds whose idea of social is meeting a new friend under the jungle gym. My time is shaped by the needs of others in the culture that tells me that my desires should be paramount.
Am I stuck or am I grounded? I think that this life I’ve chosen keeps me settled and tied down. If only I had the freedom to pursue world changing. Then I remember; I am. I’m invested in an incredibly time consuming, long term project. I’m building a cathedral. I am not the architect, I’m simply following his instructions. I may or may not get to see the completed building, at least not the earthly version. It’s the project of a lifetime but it means that sometimes other things have to give.
I’m not tied down, I’m rooted. I’m not encumbered, I’m committed. I am not stuck, I am loved.