Yesterday I had a mommy meltdown. The stress of the last week coupled with not enough sleep and virtually no time to myself = complete emotional meltdown. I ended up sobbing at the kitchen table while my confused daughter ate her lunch and my baby screamed from his swing. The straw the broke the camels back seems silly now. I had finally gotten my baby to nap after trying all morning. I was heating up my lunch while my toddler ate hers and as soon as I hit the start button on the microwave, my baby woke up screaming. I just couldn’t take it anymore. The last week has been spent trying to keep my toddler happy while virtually never leaving the house because I’m trying to focus on getting my baby healthy right now. Especially trying to keep the baby from his unfortunate cycle of too hungry to sleep and too sleepy to eat. While we seem to be having some success improving the baby’s eating habit, my daughter’s behavior is getting worse in the meantime. I can’t blame her. She’s stuck indoors. We’ve barely left the house except for church and Sunday lunch at my parent’s house and my own doctor’s appointment on Monday. I feel like a prisoner myself. I can’t imagine how she must feel. Yesterday I was fortunate enough to be rescued by a friend who came over with her son for a few hours. Our kids played (they also made a huge mess of the house, but it was worth it) and we talked. She held the baby so I could eat and do a load of laundry. It wasn’t much but it helped take the edge off. I know this difficult season will pass, but yesterday it felt like I couldn’t take one more day of the stress.
Yes, there is a lot of stress. My toddler daughter needs more attention and stimulation for her growing brain. I hate letting her watch TV because it makes her cranky and bratty, but sometimes there is no other way to keep her from trashing the house or deliberately waking her brother when he desperately needs to sleep. The baby needs to focus on gaining weight. Money is tighter than ever, but this past week alone we’ve dropped several hundred dollars on doctor’s visits, tests, medications, supplements, bottles and breast pumps. All worth it if we avoid the even larger expense of formula for the next eight months, but still a huge blow to our ever dwindling emergency fund. All the projects I have lined up are moved to the back burner, and it feels like the whole world is crashing down around me. (Did I mention that my mother-in-law is visiting this weekend?) But of course it isn’t, and things will get better. I actually felt a little better last night after the kids were in bed and my husband and I cleaned up the house. Sometimes a little meltdown can help release excess stress and nervous energy. I just wish I could find time for other activities like exercise to release that stress instead. But for now I’m trying to focus and taking each day an hour or two at a time.